In the temple of the Viking king

A Viking is knighted, herald and all,

Then the next warrior kneels, is anointed, err..  associate..sword...holder.

The Viking asks,

How can yo be so proud to be lowly carrier, to merely carry my weapons for me, While I claim the glory that will surely lead me to Valhalla?

Lazy Viking answers,

 Oh dude, come on, its sweet, I get all the perks, and you have to swing the sword, do you realize when you're not using your shield, which is really stupid by the way, Im hiding nearby, holding an axe and a shield?

You'd be surprised how good I am at hiding.

Remember when we foght the dragon of auir

Aye, a beast Birthed from the hells of medusas gusset, to be sure.

And I was right behind you as the best struck, swinging your shield in, disorienting the creature so you could cut it's head off?

With a flourish, I fell the foul foe..beast. It was SWEET.

Well the truth is I just stuck the shield in the ground, and you fell over it. The beast was distracted because you were spastic and I was a coward.
Not.
Too.
Shabby.

The Lazy Viking lights a joint.

Plunder of war, right here BIOTCH.

LATER...

The Vikings plunge into war, from the shore they survey the battle ahead.

Come my shield man, into battle!

Sure, I guess.

What!

Well I gotta say I'm just not feeling very passionate today. You know, I mean, we spend all this energy and time into the pillaging, the sackings, the beatings the raping, the fires, the beasts, jus the general he'll of war, and for what

For the glory of our lands and the gods we serve

Well... I can't say I'm too crash hot on the gods either,
All powerful deities that decree we kill and possess everything in sight?

For the glory!

Glory? Wouldn't it be slightly more advantageous in our pursuit of glory to have a stable economy of trade with these people? You see that? That's a very ripe tomato, looks very juicy and clearly wrought by a great deal of experience with local seasons and agricultural methods. Could we not get more food and less disease by leveraging the local talent, and create a friendly base of operations from which to launch more appropriately judged offensive action? Effective borders are a proven disincentive to unfriendly forces.  Offer them protection from those with les foresight than us, all the while establishing stable trade routes, and a better lifestyle for our people, a growing population, which thereby secures our position geopolitically, and bring us the empire we deserve, a Glorious Empire.

You speak wisely, we must return and bring this idea to the king!

Ugh, I can't stand that boat man, fuck it, I'm horny.

BAAAAAAGHH!!!!!

They sprint off into battle.

We drop into a pencil sketch of the scene, a historian is peaking in a lecture about the conditions of the time

The highest prevalence in Viking soldier was a particularly virulent venereal disease, largely responsible for uncontrollable defecation and eye gouging bouts of priapism, leading some to strokes, heart attacks, but almost all' to suicide.

I the next phase of our historical exhibition, I will dr your attention to...